i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
