I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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