Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
