i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
