I'm jealous of your bromance
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
