she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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