Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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