where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
