Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
