He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
