WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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