I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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