i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
