omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
