I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
