Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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