What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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