Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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