Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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