I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
