I wish I could teleport
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
