so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
