Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
