508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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