I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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