yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
