just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize