It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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