Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
