Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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