I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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