It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
