I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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