bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These tits shall not be calmed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
