Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize