He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize