so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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