i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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