fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
