Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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