I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
