That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sober January is a disaster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
