plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
