there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
