i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
