he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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