dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
