I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
