you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
