I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
