You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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