Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
