why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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