the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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