Buhtt sex?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
only you would photoshop your dick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize