so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
