But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
