Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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