So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
