I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
this boner is exhausting
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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