I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
