What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
