I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
