I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
