My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
