R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She said her name was "party"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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