it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
