Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
