respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
love makes seman taste better
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Randomize
