next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
