She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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