First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
