why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
