hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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