Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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