I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
