this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
