I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
