If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
