Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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