I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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