allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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