I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
