So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So here I am, sexting at work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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