I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
