I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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