Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
