god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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