I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize