She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
