I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
