who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
