I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
