I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
