your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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