god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
