I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
