this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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