Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize