oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
