You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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