So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
