Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
