I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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